I’m rather bored lately….looking to hang with people in the next two weeks. Maybe I can arrange something with people. Need a friend to call me about me returning them some DVDs…..oh well, I’ll relax first, cause they know who they are. Anyone that reads this and knows my number, if you want to hang out, call me

Oh dear dear dear dear dear

That was my first thought when I woke up this morning. Then I got to work analyzing drug induced dreams. Oxycodone can do that to you, it seems. Then I had a thought.

One of my dreams asked “Have you ever had one of those really good friends that never seem to get mad, never ask for anything in return?” I thought about it for a minute, and said “Yes, his name is Paul. He is a very clear thinker and always seems to want to help me” These kind of people are rare, in fact, if you come across them, don’t doubt them, even if they don’t answer their phone for a while, because they always return when the time is right.

Doubting Paul….honestly the last mistake I made; he taught me I have a good personality. If he can’t get to me, he has his own life to deal with. I’ve rarely been blessed with good friendships.

There was always something in the way of an ulterior motive in these folks, because they’ve never seen past my disability. “Get something from the cripple”

Fuck that, that’s not Paul. Paul doesn’t even see a cripple. He sees a wonderful guy worth spending time with. I still want to return those DVDs to him. I watched a few, and a few are left. But, they have helped with the pain. Such beautiful sounds run through my mind when I stop thinking. Then I realize: Paul is pure. Paul has patience for me…..

Me and every one of my godforbidden flaws. I’ve done bad, I’ve done good. I’ve worried, and I’ve let people be. God, Paul’s seen it all, and he seems to be ready for it all.

As much pain as I am in from my stupid wisdom teeth, I cannot help but forgive Paul for all the times he hasn’t called, and all of his faults. He seems to forgive me for mine. Besides, if he doesn’t, he can’t have the DVDs back, haha.

There comes a time when everyone has issues, even me. When I worry about things, I check on those things, a lot. Sorry, Paul. Lately, you seem to fit that category. I really ought to watch the old Austin Powers movie with someone. Perhaps Paul has it. Never seen that movie, but trust me, I want to.

The fact of the matter is something said: “I will never give up on you in silence.” I do believe that means never. At least if I screw up that badly, I get a call. But you know, as hard as friends are to accept, I ought to start……

I’ve got a good one somewhere, and not seeing it is certainly a flaw. Who’s seen Psycho? I haven’t yet. I hear good things. There shouldn’t be anymore doubt for such close friends, especially when they give you 6 movies and a hug, the only statement being “Enjoy”. It took so long to see this, but there are friends in the world.

Now then: VIVA LOS BIODOME.

So, got my wisdom teeth out today. It really sucks, cause there’s a lot of shit involved there. What I wouldn’t give for a visitors. Good news is, a friend gave me 6 movies to watch!

What’s the name of the one to watch first? While high on oxy, I can’tt remember anything anymore. It is rather weird that only have my face hurts. But there’s a lesson here. Friends are good support! If anyone has a car, feel free to take me places!

The world almost looks purple. I don’t know what to do with that. Although, I want to watch Austin Powers one day. Meditating would be night. Someone arrange these things!

Bagels!

Lately, I’ve just been lost in a Black Hole. I fear everything in my own life. I spend so much time broken down and crying. Just forget it all, the game is over. No one will care anyway, so why don’t I just fall in. Someone is pulling me back, back. I think I’ve lost all of my friends, but this one so insists he cares it’s not even funny. The thing is, I need some phone calls, but I’m in a black hole there too. I will die…and hope my friends save me